Caffeinated

I am not sleepy at all.... I drank tea after dinner. Must not do that again!!! It's past midnight and i want to sleep but my eyes are wideeee open. I had cookies with my tea. It's almond thin and it's so good. I ate 10 of them and just blew up my diet. Im hungry again now hahaa... So bad.

I talked to my mom earlier today. She told me that one of my cousins is pregnant. It's a great news but not really because she has lupus. She had miscarriage a couple of years ago. It's very dangerous for her to be pregnant, it can be deadly. I told my mom that I couldnt believe that they tried that hard to have a baby, knowing that it can be deadly for her and the baby. I mean, she can lose her life. My mom said that her husband really wants to have a baby. Then somehow we went on talking about me and my kidney problem. She told me that it's better for me not to have kids. I told her that I really really want to have kids someday. I know that all of the doctors have told me that it's pretty risky for me to get pregnant but by the time I'm ready, you know, technology will be much advanced. I couldnt understand why my cousin is risking her life to have a baby and there I was, trying to convince my mom that it will be fine for me to have kids. I guess I can somehow understand my cousin's feelings now. I know that you can adopt but it's different. It's still a long way to go for me and I shouldn't be worrying about this but maybe I can do something now that will affect how it is will be in the future, such as living a healthier lifestyle. Urrghhh it's hard, especially the alcohol.... haha... Yes girls, I'm sure you all know, how much I adore those beers and shots hahahaha.... Wow, I didnt plan to blabber all this depressing stuff, must be the caffeine.